Why would we seek to build self-confidence? Could it be that we believe that it is an essential component of success? Who doesn’t want to be successful?
Let’s first take a peek at what it looks like to have a lack of self-confidence. From the outside, performance at work or school could be lower than wished - or a relationship could be in trouble. Let’s say someone is asked to perform a task and they take longer than expected or do substandard work. Or, perhaps the person is able to “deliver”, but they are totally stressed by the situation. This stress is not only detrimental to their own well being, but to those around them.
Now a person with self-confidence sets out to do the same thing. They are clear about their strengths and weaknesses. If the task is within the arena of their strength, they complete it efficiently and effectively with minimal stress. If the task lies in an area of one of their weaknesses, they don’t hesitate to call on help to make things happen. They use their sense of resourcefulness easily.
Let’s glance inside to see what is at work within each of these people. The person lacking self-confidence might be experiencing anxiety, depression or even self-loathing. “I can’t do anything right.” “What I think doesn’t matter.” “I can’t stand this!” - are samples of some of the self-talk such a person might have.
In contrast, the person with self-confidence is likely to have a solid sense of self - a trust that things usually work out. They are content with who they are and have an ability to face adversity with relative ease. Some of their self-talk might be: “I can do this.” “I can figure this out.” “There is always a way.” In short, they feel good in their skin. They have the essentials of Self-Love, Self-Knowledge and Self-Trust.
The Trinity
Self-Love allows a person to love themself no matter what - it is unconditional. It is like having an internal parent who loves and adores the child as the child makes mistakes and grows. In this way Self-Love opens the space to forgive oneself. Since making mistakes is essential for learning and growth it opens the space for wisdom to develop. True Self-Love allows a person to love others fully and deeply. It is not to be confused with the mock self-love of a narcissist.
Many sages of the past have said, “To know thyself is to know God.” True Self-Knowledge therefore runs deep to our core essenc
e. It’s not just about knowing our outer abilities and skills - it’s about knowing what makes us “tick”. We understand who we are in the grand scheme of things - our purpose. The greater the Self-Knowing, the more purposeful we become and we understand that everything in our lives is there for a reason.
The final part of the trinity is Self-Trust. In so many popular movies we witness the hero extending his hand out to someone in distress saying, “Do you trust me?” The turning point in the plot is when the sufferer takes the hero’s hand in trust. When we become our own hero and extend our hand to ourselves, we stand
on firmer ground. We are no longer anxious about future events because we trust ourselves to make decisions that are in our best interest. We more easily trust ourselves when we understand our needs and are willing to address them with love.
Each part of the Trinity feeds the strength of the other to create the Self-Confidence we seek.
Later we will dive deeper into Self-Love, Self-Knowledge and Self-Trust.
Trust me.